Research is clear that when parents and teachers work together a child
tends to do better in school. There is no reason to think that it is any
different in youth sports. The following are some guidelines for how
parents can contribute to a Coach/Parent Partnership that can help the
athlete have the best possible experience.

1. Recognize the Commitment the Coach Has Made: For whatever
reason, you have chosen not to help coach the team. The coach has made
a commitment that involves many, many hours of preparation beyond the
hours spent at practices and games. Recognize his commitment and the
fact that he is not doing it because of the pay! Try to remember this
whenever something goes awry during the season.

2. Make Early, Positive Contact with the Coach: As soon as you know
who your childÌs coach is going to be, contact her to introduce yourself
and let her know you want to help your child have the best experience
she can have this season. To the extent that you can do so, ask if there is
any way you can help. By getting to know the coach early and establishing
a positive relationship, it will bemuch easier to talk with her later if a
problem arises.

3. Fill the Coach's Emotional Tank: When the coach is doing something
you like, let him know about it. Coaching is a difficult job and most
coaches only hear from parents when they want to complain about
something. This will help fill the coachÌs emotional tank and contribute to
his doing a better job. It also makes it easier to raise problems later when
you have shown support for the good things he is doing. And just about
every coach does a lot of things well. Take the time to look for them.

4. Don't Put the Player in the Middle: Imagine a situation around the
dinner table, in which a childÌs parents complain in front of her about
how poorly her math teacher is teaching fractions. How would this impact
this studentÌs motivation to work hard to learn fractions? How would it
affect her love of mathematics? While this may seem farfetched, when we
move away from school to youth sports, it is all too common for parents
to share their disapproval of a coach with their children. This puts a
young athlete in a bind. Divided loyalties do not make it easy for a child
to do her best. Conversely, when parents support a coach, it is that much
easier for the child to put her wholehearted effort into learning to play
well. If you think your childÌs coach is not handling a situation well, do
not tell that to the player. Rather, seek a meeting with the coach in which
you can talk with her about it.

5. Don't Give Instructions During a Game or Practice: You are not one of
the coaches, so do not give your child instructions about how to play. It
can be very confusing for a child to hear someone other than the coach
yelling out instructions during a game. As in #4 above, if you have an
idea for a tactic, go to the coach and offer it to him. Then let him decide
whether he is going to use it or not. If he decides not to use it, let it be.
Getting to decide those things is one of the privileges he has earned by
making the commitment to coach.

6. Fill Your Child's Emotional Tank: Perhaps the most important thing
you can do is to be there for your child. Competitive sports are stressful
to players and the last thing they need is a critic at home. Be a
cheerleader for your child. Focus on the positive things she is doing and
leave the correcting of mistakes to the coach. Let her know you support
her without reservation regardless of how well she plays.

7. Fill the Emotional Tanks of the Entire Team: Cheer for all of the
players on the team. Tell each of them when you see them doing
something well.

8. Encourage Other Parents to Honor the Game: DonÌt show disrespect
for the other team or the officials. But more than that, encourage other
parents to also Honor the Game. If a parent of a player on your team
begins to berate the official, gently say to them, "Hey, thatÌs not Honoring
the Game. ThatÌs not the way we do things here."

Note: These guidelines are adapted from Positive Coaching: Building
Character and Self-Esteem Through Sports by Jim Thompson, the founder
and leader of the Positive Coaching Alliance.